adrift on the Disney Sea.

On day 3 we went to Disney Sea, which is supposed to be the best theme park in existence according to Scott's theme park connoisseur coworker. On the way to Disney Sea we redeemed our JR Passes so we could use the trains for free before finally making it to the theme park. The second we got off the train my sixth sense kicked in and I found a place that served muskmelon smoothies right next to the train. I talked about melon a lot during the last trip, and whined that the hotel didn't have any in the last post, so this is kind of a big deal for me. I love that shit. I think it could be related to cocaine it is so tasty. Might explain why I can't find it in America. You can buy the seeds from some really shady websites and grow them yourselves, but I'm afraid that the DEA would catch wind of it, break down my door and then take me to the ground with a knee in my back before hauling me out in front of my neighbors while I scream out, "don't touch my melons!" And then I'll end up in court explaining why I am growing melon's in my dad's backyard to some judge who has already decided I'm some criminal junkie that needs to be thrown away for life for possession and intent to sell. Totally not worth it. I'll just go to Japan every so often where melon is legal or at least the government turns a blind eye to it. They are probably in on the take. It is the only logical explanation.

Anyway, back to Disney Sea. Once we got into the Tokyo Disney compound our melon smoothie-addled brains managed to get us lost in the shopping center next to the park (this is becoming a theme...so is melon). Apparently we went down the wrong hall to begin with and ended up as far away as possible from where we needed to be and had to ask for directions. Twice. Finally we found our way to the train that would take us to Disney Sea but had difficulty with the machines we needed to buy our train tickets, which is bullshit since we already paid to get into the park and can't even walk to the park entrance. But I digress. The girl who "helped" us get our tickets didn't tell us that we needed to put the money in first before we could select which ticket we wanted, which is only different from EVERY OTHER TICKET MACHINE IN THE COUNTRY, but then again it is Disney and Disney likes to do things their way. The company itself could probably be diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. But I digress again.

Once you enter the park you instantly get blown away. Not so much by the painstaking detail the designers went to in recreating the look and feel of Mediterranean coast, but by the 20+ mph winds that weren't on the weather forecast. It is also like 52 degrees out with a windchill factor of 40, which is not at all like the Mediterranean coast. I think you missed a detail Disney. You couldn't whip up some Disney magic to make it perfectly sunny and warm every day? And if the whole Disney magic thing is a lie then first, shame on you for ruining my childhood, and second just throw a billion dollars at a scientist. I'm sure they can come up with some sort of laser or cool piece of equipment to control the weather. Seriously, it's Japan. I bet there is some under-funded grad student working on it right now, and it isn't like you wouldn't make the money back in a week on churro sales alone. The strawberry cream ones are delicious, but you aren't fooling anyone with the black pepper churros. Get rid of that one and replace it with another flavor. Might I suggest, melon flavored?

The first attraction we took part in was the Leonardo Challenge. This is like a treasure hunt where you follow clues to find out Leonardo Da Vinci's secrets and stop a volcano from erupting...I think. I couldn't tell. She spoke really, really fast. Despite that fact, Scott and I totally rocked that shit. The only "challenge" was waiting in line for 15 minutes in the icy, icy wind. It cut deep and my jacket didn't do anything to help out. Despite not understanding a word of the opening video that explained what we were supposed to try and do during the "challenge," and the sign about how difficult the challenge is for foreigners, we knocked that shit out in like 20 minutes. Score one for Scott's Japanese dictionary app. We showed our completed map to one of the employees to confirm that we did it correctly and she got really excited and spoke so quickly that, once again, neither of us understood a single word she said. But the enthusiasm with which she said it told us it was a job well done, so to celebrate we decided to treat ourselves to a 45 minute wait on the Journey to the Center of the Earth ride so we could spend two minutes on the roller coaster and get yelled at for using the camera's flash and disrupting the illusion that the center of the earth is air conditioned and filled with Japanese people.

After that we wandered around the park for a bit taking in the sights. We checked out the rest of Mysterious Island, which is all themed around Jules Verne's books, and then passed through Mermaid Lagoon where an overly handsome Prince Eric cast member made me feel deeply insecure about myself, which required me to eat a churro to regain my composure. The dude was like Ryan Gosling good looking. There was no competing with him. My plan to steal Ariel was over before it started. After eating the churro and several minutes of breathing into a paper bag I walked off the shame before going on Sinbad's Storybook Voyage, which is basically the Small World ride from normal Disneyland, only with way better animatronics and a funny tiger that is always showing up in places you don't expect him to be. Crazy ass tiger. The song they sang was 99% in Japanese, but I'm pretty sure it was titled "Compass of your heart" and that it was about following your heart. Inspired by the song I didn't understand I made my way back to Mermaid Lagoon to take Ariel away from stupid Prince Eric, but saw that the line for a photo was over an hour and decided my heart really wanted to go on the Indiana Jones ride instead.

The Indiana Jones ride was exactly as you would expect it to be in Japan. There were some cool special effects. In particular, a giant skull that very rudely belched a cloud of poisonous gas that I just barely dodged. It didn't even say "excuse me" afterward (they should put up some of those posters about manners for the skull to read in between Jeeps crossing its path) and Indiana Jones animatronics that still manage to look like Bruce Willis instead of Harrison Ford. Afterward, Scott saw the Indiana Jones cast member walking around and made the mistake of saying out loud, "I should just lose a bunch of weight and be Indiana Jones at Tokyo Disney." The Indiana Jones model overheard and then laughed, pulled out his whip and swung away with some unsuspecting damsel who only then realized she was distressed.

Eventually the sun eventually came out and the wind died down long enough for Scott and I to rent a locker to put our jackets in and walk to the other side of the park before it picked back up again with a vengeance. We picked a place to eat lunch about as effectively as the vultures in Disney's the Jungle Book. We settled on a New York Deli place where it turns out everything on the menu is coated in mayonnaise. I'm not talking about a little bit of mayo, they really slather it on. I could hear my heart crying while I ate my sandwich. After lunch and a minor heart attack we went on a ride called StormRider, which is basically Star Tours, except you fly into a category 5 hurricane and stop it with a bomb so powerful that it can reduce a category 5 hurricane to a gentle rain. Not that is what I'm talking about, Japan. A few more inventions like that and you can rule the world. Overall the park was pretty great. If you ever come to Japan, I highly recommend visiting the park. Just walking around the park and looking at the buildings and stuff is a cool experience. Just come in May or June when there likely isn't any wind. 

being lied to by everyone.

Day 2 in Japan went better than day 1. We started off the day right by eating breakfast at the hotel buffet on the top floor and Scott was practically skipping he was so excited to eat some more melon. When he found out that there wasn't any melon because "it is out of season," the look on his face was almost worth the soul crushing disappointment of there not being any melon. It was like the face of a kid you stole candy from and then ate the candy in front of him...and then threw up on him from the sugar overdose. This ended up being okay because they had pineapple that is hands down the best pineapple ever. I should know. I NEVER eat pineapple, so my word is good as gold...fool's gold.

After breakfast we braved Lawson's again to get tickets for the Ghibli Museum. This time we came prepared with a piece of paper with kanji so well written I doubt a three-year-old could have written it better, which we were able to present to the store clerk. After laughing at our "handwriting" and casually flicking mirthful tears from his eyes, the ticket machine took revenge for us and made him spend 20 minutes trying to find the tickets in the system. I used to think that Japan was a technical wonderland, but after watching the native Japanese speaker/Lawson's employee attempt to navigate the menu on that machine, Japan has lost some esteem in my eyes. When the expert doesn't even know how to work it you know the designers fucked up on a level that only Sony could have achieved.

We managed to get our tickets and set out to look for the Muji store. I had looked online before we left the hotel and it swore up and down that the store we went to last time was exactly where we left it, so we hopped on the train and left for Shimbashi. I didn't write down directions because the store was really close to the train station and even if we didn't set out in the right direction initially, it was literally around the corner from the station. But it wasn't. The store had moved to a different part of the city and failed to mention it on their website...or apparently on the phone when we bothered a police officer to find out where it was. Either the person on the phone failed to mention that the store wasn't open yet, or the police officer was punishing us for wasting his time by asking where a clothing store was and laughing with his buddy about how he sent us on a wild goose chase to find a store that isn't open yet on the other side of the. biggest. city. in the WORLD. Probably at some swanky izakaya that I don't even know about because it is on the sixth floor of a building that I don't even know exists. Well played, officer...

Fellow passenger totally disapproves of your cell phone usage.

Not knowing that our endeavor was doomed from the start, we made the 40 minute trek despite having kind of lost interest to begin with. On the way we did find a cool Uniqlo store, and giant metal clock with little metal dudes hidden all throughout it that pretend to forge swords, ring bells and fire turret blasts to sound the hour. There was also a statue of some superhero flying through the air while a city full of onlookers shit their pants at how awesome it would be to fly. What was even cooler was the fact that it was made entirely out of paper mâché. Couple that with the fact that it was still standing after heavy rains and wind from the day before, and you've got yourself a pretty impressive statue. After watching the clock, snapping about a million photos of the statue, and finally learning that we just traveled across the the city for nothing, we regrouped at Mos Burger where we sat in an awkward silence while the restaurant packed full of Japanese business people on their lunches ignored one another and played with their phones the entire time. This made Scott's already loud voice seem obnoxious and my whispers sound like I was yelling. It probably has something to do with the advertisements plastered in the subway stations about manners.

On the way to the Ghibli museum Scott and I found the smallest drinking fountain I've seen since elementary school, only it wasn't for children, but fully grown adults. The Ghibli museum was cool, except they wouldn't let us take pictures. Something about the flash "ruining the illusion." I think it was just that they didn't want someone stealing all of their awesome ideas.

back in Japan!

It took four years, two delayed plane flights, a two hour bus ride, and four ibuprofen, but I am finally back in Japan. During the plane flights I experienced a new form of psychological hell known as the indirect international flight. Having a delayed flight to SFO and then  3+ hour layover before flying to Japan on a 10 hour flight totally fucks with your concept of time. It felt like I was in some sort of messed up government experiment for some new form of urban psychological warfare. Thinking you only have about 2 hours left of flying left and then learning you actually have 6 isn't fun at all. For some reason it was more economical for Scott and I to fly to SFO first before heading to Japan, which is insane because if I had flown to SFO first, instead of Scott flying down here, we would have been required to fly back to LAX before flying to Japan. I don't know how they make money by making us do that, but I hate them for it. Let my fly direct, assholes.

Full. Fucking. Leg. Extension.

On the bright side, we did get "upgraded" seats on both flights and flying Delta was totally the way to go. For future reference, ask the person at the counter if you can have exit row seats. Even though the tray is so far away that you either have to lean forward to use it, or can't use it at all, the leg room you get is amazing. You can do full leg extensions and not kick the person in front of you. The flight attendants tricked us into thinking our upgrades were better than they were. Scott and I were handed menus telling us what our dinner choices were, and the way the described our options I was convinced they were going to be served on a real plate. "Beef strips with japanese style barbeque sauce, vegetables and rice" makes it sound like you are getting something fancy. I should have known it was a lie when they forgot to capitalize the "J" in Japanese, but I was too distracted by visions of the promised shrimp cocktail coming in some sort of crystal chalice to notice the grammatical error. Even though the food was of questionable quality, the movie choices were great; and all on-demand. Though the random (sometimes backwards) subtitles and the fact that the guy in front of me was watching the Justin Beiber documentary made it hard to focus on any one thing for an extended period of time. Ass did the psychological torture.

"Death Box"

When we finally landed in Tokyo we were welcomed by strong crosswinds and a "Down with Narita" sign that made me wonder what I was about to walk into. Fortunately, we made it through customs easily, got our bags right away, and only one person made a joke about my passport photo, so I'm going to count that as a win (my passport photo is hideous). After buying our tickets for the "Airport Limousine," which are just buses with curtains, we had to wait outside for 15 minutes to get picked up, and that was when things started to get a little weird. At the airport they have smoking sections that are outside the terminal, but in an enclosed box. I can only guess that the reason they do this is because they are either trying to kill off their smokers more quickly by putting them in a room full of smoke to speed up the whole dying process, or the air outside the box is too oxygen rich and lighting a cigarette might cause the entire country to erupt in flames. Maybe both. I don't know. I'm not a scientist. Stop judging my theories.

After a 2 hour bus ride, we made it to the hotel and for reasons we haven't figured out our room was upgraded to an awesome double-suite. It comes complete with a living room with two couches that turn into beds, two balcony's, and two full bathrooms. My theory is that after 16+ hours of flying and sitting with 6 hours of psychological torture rolled and a two hour bus ride, that Scott and I looked tired and grizzled and that our appearances, combined with my awesome beard, made the concierge too afraid of me to not upgrade the room. I'm pretty sure he committed seppuku afterward to atone for not being brave enough.

After dropping off our bags, we needed food and wanted to stop by a Lawson's (fancy 7-11) to get tickets for the Ghibli Museum. Despite a deep-seated fear of us, the hotel staff was nice enough to give us a map to the closest Lawson's AND give us directions on how to get there in English. Despite this fact, Scott and I managed to take a wrong turn when the directions were "go straight and make the second left." This should have been the first sign that we probably shouldn't be out wandering the streets and talking to random Japanese people, but we were tired, hungry, and possibly suffering from PTSD, so we soldiered on anyway. We found the/a Lawson's and then proceeded to terrorize the clerk by asking him to help us buy tickets for the Ghibli Museum. We forgot to look up what the museum was called in Japanese, and as we spoke the clerk looked more and more like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights and hurriedly started taking the cash out of the register. Realizing we weren't going to get what we wanted, we quickly ran out of the store before he could hit the silent alarm and the police could show up and arrest us on our first day in Tokyo.

To recover from the trauma, we ducked into the nearest CoCo Ichibanya where a cool guy by the name of Yamamoto-san gave use Japanese curry and rice. Scott whined about it being too spicy, despite ordering the flavor for children who can't handle spice, and that the fries were too salty. I told him to shut up. Yamamoto-san asked us a bunch of questions that we were only able to answer partially, but Yamamoto-san seemed pleased with himself for talking to us so I don't feel too bad about it. After dinner we wandered around briefly, making sure the landmarks we remembered from our last trip were still there before returning to the hotel to terrorize the staff.

weekends with Mori.

When Scott and I awoke from the mini-coma Saturday morning, we didn't really have time to do anything or get breakfast before we needed to catch our 7:30am train to Hiroshima to hang out with Moriyasu. Fortunately we had made reservations ahead of time and when we got on the train, we didn't need to move seats every 5 minutes. I bought some M&M's and a chocolate orange SoyJoy, which tasted like a piece of cardboard spritzed with orange juice that was left in the vicinity of some chocolate for about an hour or so, to hold me over on the train ride until we could get some real food. I would go on about the beautiful countryside and show off the 2 good pictures I took out of 150 , but I already did that after the Kyoto trip and you take the same tracks to Hiroshima. We did however have to change trains in Shin-Osaka, where Scott of course sniffed out premade pork cutlet sandwiches. Scott consumes pork like he has a personal vendetta against pigs. Watching him eat breakfast is mildly nauseating, as I am still not even sure if he chews the bacon or just swallows it whole.

Once we got to Hiroshima, Moriyasu was waiting for us at the gate. After a quick hello he took us up to what I can only descibe as okonomiyaki heaven. On the sixth floor of a building across from the station is a giant room filled with nothing but kitchens who specialize in okonomiyaki, which is a savory Japanese pancake filled with cabbage, bacon, egg and coated lightly with Japanese mayonnaise and okonomiyaki sauce (BBQ sauce) eaten directly off of the teppan in front of you. It doesn't sound that good when I write about it, but trust me, I ate it and thought it was delicious and I am one of the worlds pickiest eaters. We sat down at one restaurant at the back of the room where the chef promised us the best okonomiyaki in the world. As far as I can tell, he wasn't lying.

After lunch Mori-chan took us on a very long train ridetp Miyajima Island and Itsukushima Shinto Shrine, during which we passed the Atomic bomb Dome, which Moriyasu said he wouldn't take us to because it was depressing. Once on the island we walked out into thigh high water to take pictures of and next to the Torii (gate). Moriyasu hung back and took the best pictures, but he hasn't sent them to me yet so I can't post them. The water around the gate was surprisingly warm. I could swear it was as high as 80 degrees in some parts and never dropped below 70 in other parts. Which is an unsettling feeling in water. I kept looking around for little kids who may have peed in the water where I was walking. Warm patches always freak me out no matter what form of water I'm in. My childhood has forever damaged me in that way.

Itsukushima Shrine was gorgeous and there were deer walking around everywhere. They will walk up right next to you and let you pet them, which I did. Petting zoos around the world should be jealous and avert their eyes in shame to this place. The boat ride to the island, including the return trip was 350 yen and the entrance to the shrine was only 300 yen. At less than $7 for the entire experience it is a trip that I would recommend to anyone who goes to Japan. Unfortunately, once we actually entered the shrine, the tide was still out so all of the little pools of water that would normally surround the complex were dry.

After walking about and going through all of the little gift shops, Moriyasu took us to get Momiji Manju, which is a delicious bean filled pastry. Now, I know what your thinking...what could possibly be delicious about a bean filled pastry? First off, I'm not sure I like your tone. Second, they are Japanese sweet red beans, or azuki. And that delicious little pastry is freshly made and warm and melts in your mouth. As far as dishes with beans go, Japan got this one right, unlike natto, the foul, stomach-churning, unpalatable, vomitous fermented soy beans than many Japanese love to eat. Run into a Japanese person who has just eaten natto and their breath may hospitalize you.

Not only did we get Momiji Manju, but I got the Japanese version of Cream Soda, which is melon soda with vanilla ice cream. Simply breathtaking. I have yet to find this in any shop in the Tokyo area, which in my book is a serious problem and I am organizing a march to get this put into more restaurants across the country. This beverage is one of the best things I have ever accidentally ordered.

After our little stop, we took the boat back to the mainland and went back into Hiroshima city, where Moriyasu undertook the unforeseeably daunting task of finding Scott and I a hotel room for the night. Apparently, we decided to come into town the night when a major concert was in town in addition to the local professional baseball and soccer teams playing home games. We eventually got a hotel room, but only because one hotel had a cancellation. And we only actually got the room because Moriyasu agreed to stay with us since the owner didn't speak any English and didn't really trust foreigners. As if finding the room wasn't difficult enough, the room was 6 feet by 10 feet and it felt like a coffin. That and the TV in the room only had one channel, which we would have had to pay for if we wanted to watch, and it played nothing but Japanese porn. Definitely a notch below motel in the hotel ratings book.

Fortunately the let down that was our hotel room was made up for by Moriyasu's superior knowledge of great places to eat. Right around the corner from our hotel, down a very cool covered street that served as a sort of outdoor mall was a Yakiniku place to die for. When you enter the restaurant, which is underground in the basement of a 6 story building, you are met by the inviting smells of grilling meats and smoke. The restaurant is filled with Japanese business men taking a load off after work with friends and coworkers, all of whom are genuinely having a great time.

The food was amazing. I am actually salivating a little bit just thinking about it. To make things even better, the dessert menu offers different sherbets, all of which were served in the actual fruit. Not an entirely unheard of treat in the states, but when the melon sherbet shows up looking like a perfect wedge cut straight from the melon, and you've had a couple beers and life can be described as "smooth," it is pretty amazing. That and I'm pretty sure I was weeping as I ate it. Half of the tears were joy while the other half were reflective of a deep sadness due to the knowledge that I may never get to eat this dessert again unless I come back to Hiroshima.

After dinner we went back to the room and slept off the sizable amount of food that we consumed. Scott of course had the A/C on max so Moriyasu and I froze during the night because we couldn't find the controls in the dark abyss that was our room. When we awoke, Moriyasu took us to a french restaurant called Anderson's for a quality breakfast. Moriyasu ordered a cafe latte that came with a heart on it. Despite the evidence at hand, Moriyasu denied that it was because the girl who served the food was in love with him and that this was her subtle way of telling him.

After breakfast we walked back to the station where we hung out for a little bit outside of a McDonald's. Despite the promise of a hot dog that was 200% tasty and arguments about what percentage tasty the normal hot dog was, we managed to avoid eating at McDonald's for the entire trip. We said our goodbyes then hopped on the train to Osaka, where we were supposed to meet Scott's ex, Naomi. After waiting for an hour and a half outside the designated location, she was a no show so we hopped back on the train and headed back to Tokyo where we were able to rest our extremely blistered feet. By this point in the trip I had developed a nasty blister on my right foot that has set up a highly reinforced camp, complete with heavy artillery, between by big toe and the one right next to it. This one blister has since continued to make the last four days in Japan a living hell when I do any extended walking. It is like the battle of Thermopylae in-between my toes.

pictures from Hiroshima

Gorgeous Miyajima nestled into the mountains

Scott out by the Torii


Later in the day this would be filled with sea water.

My fortune.


Another addition to my collection of water pools with cups.

Creepy eyes.



Scott's shaved ice.

Mori and a Coke Float

Life described as "Smooth."


The evidence of a secret love.







It "Keep you best."

How Scott spent most of the trip.

Potato chip french fries? Oh yes.

exhausted Fridays.

Friday was rather uneventful. After torturing our feet for three solid days, we ended up needing a break. But that doesn't mean we didn't try to go out and make the best of the day. We started off in Ginza where we went to Muji, which is like an Ikea for Japanese people, only way cooler and the couches aren't made of granite. After perusing the store while Scott once again talked about how nice the air conditioning felt, we left and went to the Sony building. The coolest part about the building, that we saw at least, was the aquarium outside. There was some doofy looking shark that was way too big for its tank and about 40 Japanese kids polishing the glass with their noses screaming at the top of their lungs for cameras. I'm sure from the inside the shark thought they looked like the Garfield stuffed animals that litter peoples car windows. I wanted to go in to see their museum of cool stuff which is supposed to house Aibo, the dog robot that I confused with Asimo, Honda's über cool person robot. Needless to say I was very disappointed when I realized it wasn't Asimo.

Unable to take the letdown Scott and I left the building and headed for Shinjuku to the Japanese Sword Museum. In typical American fashion, we were hasty picking our train. That and I made the mistake of listening to Scott, which landed us on a train going the long way meaning an extra 15 minutes of train riding. We could have gotten off at the next station and headed in the opposite direction to save time, but we had seats and we were not about to give those up. Seats on a train in Japan are worth more than gold. Especially when you've had the pleasure of experiencing the coffin like comfort of Japanese rush hour. I use my backpack to my advantage to box out old ladies so they can't get to the seats.

Once we got to Shinjuku station, Scott had to go to the bathroom where his stomach decided "everything needed to get out with extreme prejudice," as he so nicely put it. He also left our guidebook in the bathroom which he didn't realize until we had hopped on a subway line and got off at the correct station. Fortunately for him, there was a map at the station that showed where the Museum was. But there is a funny thing the Japanese do with regard to maps. They leave off street names. Presumably because not every street has a name, or at least that is what I have noticed, and if they do they are very poorly marked for Americans. So needless to say we walked way too far before realizing it and had to walk a half mile back to the correct street. What didn't help was the fact that the museum was on a street corner in the middle of a neighborhood.

The swords were very impressive and I was able to take one crappy picture before the guard saw me and showed me the "no taking pictures" sign. Scott walked around talking about the ever so interesting topic of what it would be like to get sliced in half by one of the swords and how some had blood grooves so they wouldn't get stuck in a body when the former owner stabbed somebody. Being a Samurai is a very romantic notion, but in real life it is just crazy. After the museum, we went back to the Hotel where our bodies said, "Oh for fucks sake," and collapsed. When I awoke the next morning it was 6am and I had been asleep for 11 hours.

pictures from Kyoto.

For the Kyoto story see the post below.

Riding the bus from our hotel.

For a relaxing time, I made it Suntory time.

Rice fields are everywhere.

A lake right near some houses. I was a half second too early and I missed the boats.

More rice fields. I told you they were everywhere.

Nagoya Station


Entrance to the Nishi-Honganji Temple grounds.

Downtown Kyoto

Blisters!


There are turtles on the rock.


Inside a guest house.


Halfway to the palace from the entrance.

This is just the Emperor's compound. It takes 30 minutes to walk around its walls.