On day 3 we went to Disney Sea, which is supposed to be the best theme park in existence according to Scott's theme park connoisseur coworker. On the way to Disney Sea we redeemed our JR Passes so we could use the trains for free before finally making it to the theme park. The second we got off the train my sixth sense kicked in and I found a place that served muskmelon smoothies right next to the train. I talked about melon a lot during the last trip, and whined that the hotel didn't have any in the last post, so this is kind of a big deal for me. I love that shit. I think it could be related to cocaine it is so tasty. Might explain why I can't find it in America. You can buy the seeds from some really shady websites and grow them yourselves, but I'm afraid that the DEA would catch wind of it, break down my door and then take me to the ground with a knee in my back before hauling me out in front of my neighbors while I scream out, "don't touch my melons!" And then I'll end up in court explaining why I am growing melon's in my dad's backyard to some judge who has already decided I'm some criminal junkie that needs to be thrown away for life for possession and intent to sell. Totally not worth it. I'll just go to Japan every so often where melon is legal or at least the government turns a blind eye to it. They are probably in on the take. It is the only logical explanation.
Anyway, back to Disney Sea. Once we got into the Tokyo Disney compound our melon smoothie-addled brains managed to get us lost in the shopping center next to the park (this is becoming a theme...so is melon). Apparently we went down the wrong hall to begin with and ended up as far away as possible from where we needed to be and had to ask for directions. Twice. Finally we found our way to the train that would take us to Disney Sea but had difficulty with the machines we needed to buy our train tickets, which is bullshit since we already paid to get into the park and can't even walk to the park entrance. But I digress. The girl who "helped" us get our tickets didn't tell us that we needed to put the money in first before we could select which ticket we wanted, which is only different from EVERY OTHER TICKET MACHINE IN THE COUNTRY, but then again it
is Disney and Disney likes to do things their way. The company itself could probably be diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. But I digress again.
Once you enter the park you instantly get blown away. Not so much by the painstaking detail the designers went to in recreating the look and feel of Mediterranean coast, but by the 20+ mph winds that weren't on the weather forecast. It is also like 52 degrees out with a windchill factor of 40, which is not at all like the Mediterranean coast. I think you missed a detail Disney. You couldn't whip up some Disney magic to make it perfectly sunny and warm every day? And if the whole Disney magic thing is a lie then first, shame on you for ruining my childhood, and second just throw a billion dollars at a scientist. I'm sure they can come up with some sort of laser or cool piece of equipment to control the weather. Seriously, it's Japan. I bet there is some under-funded grad student working on it right now, and it isn't like you wouldn't make the money back in a week on churro sales alone. The strawberry cream ones are delicious, but you aren't fooling anyone with the black pepper churros. Get rid of that one and replace it with another flavor. Might I suggest, melon flavored?
The first attraction we took part in was the Leonardo Challenge. This is like a treasure hunt where you follow clues to find out Leonardo Da Vinci's secrets and stop a volcano from erupting...I think. I couldn't tell. She spoke really, really fast. Despite that fact, Scott and I totally rocked that shit. The only "challenge" was waiting in line for 15 minutes in the icy, icy wind. It cut deep and my jacket didn't do anything to help out. Despite not understanding a word of the opening video that explained what we were supposed to try and do during the "challenge," and the sign about how difficult the challenge is for foreigners, we knocked that shit out in like 20 minutes. Score one for Scott's Japanese dictionary app. We showed our completed map to one of the employees to confirm that we did it correctly and she got really excited and spoke so quickly that, once again, neither of us understood a single word she said. But the enthusiasm with which she said it told us it was a job well done, so to celebrate we decided to treat ourselves to a 45 minute wait on the Journey to the Center of the Earth ride so we could spend two minutes on the roller coaster and get yelled at for using the camera's flash and disrupting the illusion that the center of the earth is air conditioned and filled with Japanese people.
After that we wandered around the park for a bit taking in the sights. We checked out the rest of Mysterious Island, which is all themed around Jules Verne's books, and then passed through Mermaid Lagoon where an overly handsome Prince Eric cast member made me feel deeply insecure about myself, which required me to eat a churro to regain my composure. The dude was like Ryan Gosling good looking. There was no competing with him. My plan to steal Ariel was over before it started. After eating the churro and several minutes of breathing into a paper bag I walked off the shame before going on Sinbad's Storybook Voyage, which is basically the Small World ride from normal Disneyland, only with way better animatronics and a funny tiger that is always showing up in places you don't expect him to be. Crazy ass tiger. The song they sang was 99% in Japanese, but I'm pretty sure it was titled "Compass of your heart" and that it was about following your heart. Inspired by the song I didn't understand I made my way back to Mermaid Lagoon to take Ariel away from stupid Prince Eric, but saw that the line for a photo was over an hour and decided my heart really wanted to go on the Indiana Jones ride instead.
The Indiana Jones ride was exactly as you would expect it to be in Japan. There were some cool special effects. In particular, a giant skull that very rudely belched a cloud of poisonous gas that I just barely dodged. It didn't even say "excuse me" afterward (they should put up some of those posters about manners for the skull to read in between Jeeps crossing its path) and Indiana Jones animatronics that still manage to look like Bruce Willis instead of Harrison Ford. Afterward, Scott saw the Indiana Jones cast member walking around and made the mistake of saying out loud, "I should just lose a bunch of weight and be Indiana Jones at Tokyo Disney." The Indiana Jones model overheard and then laughed, pulled out his whip and swung away with some unsuspecting damsel who only then realized she was distressed.
Eventually the sun eventually came out and the wind died down long enough for Scott and I to rent a locker to put our jackets in and walk to the other side of the park before it picked back up again with a vengeance. We picked a place to eat lunch about as effectively as the vultures in Disney's the Jungle Book. We settled on a New York Deli place where it turns out everything on the menu is coated in mayonnaise. I'm not talking about a little bit of mayo, they really slather it on. I could hear my heart crying while I ate my sandwich. After lunch and a minor heart attack we went on a ride called StormRider, which is basically Star Tours, except you fly into a category 5 hurricane and stop it with a bomb so powerful that it can reduce a category 5 hurricane to a gentle rain. Not that is what I'm talking about, Japan. A few more inventions like that and you can rule the world. Overall the park was pretty great. If you ever come to Japan, I highly recommend visiting the park. Just walking around the park and looking at the buildings and stuff is a cool experience. Just come in May or June when there likely isn't any wind.
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